To preface this ‘coming back’ Blog, I share deep personal experiences in an attempt to show you are capable of overcoming all odds, just like I have. We are primal beings that have been living in a world that has disconnected us from ourselves and each other. I encourage you to discover new ways of embracing your wildness to heal from unprocessed trauma that could be holding you back in your life. My aim in sharing is to connect with you more deeply and for you to know–You are NOT alone. Whether you have never experienced capital T trauma or not, you have experienced trauma and this is an opportunity for you to come more deeply into your body.
I grew up in poverty without solid family support. Thank God for my grandparents and the things they taught us. My home life was unstable. I left home at age 17 with $800 in my pocket to get away from my mentally ill mother who married six times, yet I never had a dad. She was bisexual in a place and time when it wasn’t cool. People kept their children away from her for a reason. My mother was what you call a ‘dry drunk.’ She would threaten suicide and homicide almost daily. I illogically believed she would murder me until I was 35 years old. I remember coaching her out of a suicide threat at age six. She was untreated and undiagnosed. No one even used the word ‘mentally ill’ back then. I just thought she was scary and so was my grandpa. It wasn’t until many years later and after being my younger half sister’s ‘health surrogate’ when neither of her parents were willing to advocate for her with Bipolar, that I started to understand mental illness. Becoming estranged from my mother for 5 years now has given me space from her dysfunction to see things most clearly and release her. I believe mental health is part chemical, another part a nervous system malfunction due to trauma. Said trauma could actually be nothing to someone and everything to someone else. What one person experiences as trauma may not affect another the same way. For example, a psychedelic trip could cause a mental break in one person with a chemical predisposition, where another person could walk away with deep spiritual insight from such an experience. What is medicine for one, is poison to another. For years I would allow my mind to entertain suicidal and homicidal thoughts. After experiencing daily childhood verbal and sometimes physical abuse, being strangled unconcious by a mentally ill lover who planned this and her own failed attempt suicide in my 20’s, and most recently (last year) a sexual attack by a lover at the end of our 7 month relationship. I guess I had to unconsciously provide myself an opportunity to discharge the unresolved trauma. I don’t know, but the mind space that experience brought me to disappointment in myself mostly. In observing myself ignore red flags and noticing how my survival instincts didn’t kick in until well after (like Stockholms Syndrome) this showed me I was still stuck in the freeze response. That experience showed me the need to transform unresolved trauma. Another reaction I needed to transform was that suicide or homicidal thoughts were MY beliefs. No, this was Old Programming from childhood. This coupled with my lack of response to the toxic words of a deceptive narcissist helped me to see I needed to transform my unresolved trauma in order to wake my inner tiger. All of this deep inner healing while forging a new beverage category has been what I call ‘The Advanced Spiritual Program.’ Growth doesn’t happen in our comfort zone friends, but I do feel more resilient now than ever. I attribute this to the tools I share below but also ‘going through it to get to the other side.’
I have also had gut issues for as long as I can remember. Born a colic baby with a constant upset stomach to taking papaya enzyme pills after every meal as an adolescent to having a complete health collapse unable to eat nearly anything for almost two years in my twenties to now, taking over 40 pills a day to try to rid my gut of a chronic pathogenic yeast and another new parasite. Ferm Fatale cocktails and eating fermented foods daily diversifies the gut microbiome, yes. Eliminating alcohol is one of the healthiest things we can do for ourselves, yes. However, it is not possible to heal through diet alone. We are all born with a certain constitution. I believe there are many things that go into forming our given constitution including genetics, karma, and one’s astrological natal chart. YES, we can heal from trauma, stop being controlled by addiction, and free ourselves from chronic gut health issues. Unfortunately it’s not in the form of a quick fix pill, eating a specific diet, or even going to 12-step programs alone. Healing from trauma requires self awareness, discipline, quiet reflection and a support system of people that genuinely care for you. These people might not be blood, but they will act more like family than the ones you once called so. We all have the ability to self heal, but we need a proper environment to do so.
Chronic gut issues are simply symptoms of something much deeper. I know because I have been working on this for over 40 years. After many years of studying and teaching yoga & meditation, having a successful career and being married, I got a divorce from a man who had become an alcoholic during our 22 year relationship. I moved across the country leaving behind a life that I created for over two decades to come to a place with no support. I found myself using alcohol in a way I never had before, partly because it is social acceptable and I was single on the west side of LA. I had only myself to take care of but I wasn’t doing it like I wanted after a while. These poor coping mechanisms helped me see the need for alcohol alternatives. And I made them live & probiotic drinks for a reason. Trauma can lead to addiction for obvious reasons but mostly not wanting to’ feel’ because feeling seems dangerous. Gut health issues are almost always present post trauma because the mind and the gut are wildly connected. Life is always providing us with an opportunity to rise up and be better than we have before. Responding rather than reacting, seeing patterns and saying ‘No, I don’t believe that anymore’, and choosing new ways of being that support living in harmony with ourselves, others, and in community is evolutionary growth that breaks generational cycles. It starts with healing the nervous system from trauma that leads to addiction and gut issues.
Healing from trauma also offers a huge opportunity for spiritual evolution. Looking at the history of our human evolution might just hold the answer to finally healing trauma held in the mind and body. Ancient wisdom has always understood the mind/body connection. Without taking both into account, we cannot fully transform these energies. There are a host of symptoms resulting from trauma. Some are depression, anxiety, panic attacks, addiction, autoimmune diseases, scoliosis, OCD, and unexplained gut, skin, and joint issues. Indigenous primitive healers know that an imbalance of one member is a community issue. We are obviously cultures apart in the western world. No wonder why so many people in this country feel so alone and disconnected. Ferm Fatale was created to end the feeling of being left out in social environments. We can heal ourselves by embracing our wild side.
Here are 5 ways to find wholeness again:
1). Acknowledge the need to heal yourself and address the problem directly. Suppressing, denying, or waiting for someone to come rescue us will only hold us back. Unbinding the energies within us is how we target the trauma in the physical body, where the trauma is held.
2). Use a Pulsing shower head for 10 minutes a day with lukewarm water, not too hot, not too cold. Pay attention to what sensations you feel in each area of your body systematically. Hands, underarms and sensitive parts, Welcome your soul back to your body. Just feel and listen. Emotion is the water element. Let it flow baby!
3). Breathwork through the mouth. Mouth breathing is generally not recommended, but in this exercise you want to lay down and take in as much air as possible through your mouth first into your belly then up into your chest allowing for a natural exhale through the mouth. Inhale, inhale, exhale. Do this for 5 to 45 minutes at a time and don’t be surprised if body sensations and emotions bubble up. Pay attention, journal, and keep putting in the effort.
4). Cold Therapy not only rebalances the nervous system, but also unconsciously allows us to have a breakthrough by subjecting ourselves to difficulty until we eventually crave it. I recommend sitting in ice water for as long as you possibly can as often as you can. We have the power to rewire our responses. The cold helps us do just that. It’s like medicine for the nervous system after you break through to the other side of your discomfort.
5). Following your gut instinct is the opposite of being disconnected. Trauma has a tendency to make us deaf to our inner guide. Physiological sensations in the body are where the binded trauma is being held and also the answer to releasing that trauma, just like a dog shakes it off. Try sitting with memorabilia and pay attention to your body’s emotional reactions through body sensation, some more intense than others. How strong is the sensation and where is it? How does your body feel overall as you look through pictures of old memories? Sit with it. Where is the sensation? If you feel energy move, is it fast, slow, where is it located? Focus on the sensations, not the memories themselves. If you feel tired, stop and process more at a later time. Be gentle with yourself but do not be afraid. Welcome your soul back to your body. A traumatized nervous system is just asleep. Getting back in touch with our natural instincts like animals is the key to our healing. Being a humble part of the cycles of nature has always been deeply profound for me. We must stop freezing when things go awry as Life is obviously not perfect and we need to protect ourselves without wearing armor. This is the dance of masculine & feminine. We need to get back to experiencing ourselves as animals, responding with instinct. We need to get back to being One with nature and its inhabitants in mind and body.
Happy Fall Friends. Please comment below and share if you would like me to keep expanding on how our wild side holds the key to healing trauma, addiction, and gut issues and finally receive the beautiful Life we deserve. Remember the journey is the destination.