The Cracks that Reveal the Light

After just a few years of being alone in LA, single for the first time in my life, I was using alcohol to cope..at least that’s what I told myself for quite a while. Truth is I was searching for love everywhere other than the source. I found myself drinking 2-3 nights a week having 1-2 glasses of wine generally out, not at home. Numbing myself out nor cutting myself off from men completely could save me from the trauma that resulted in my search for love outside myself. I would drink out of loneliness or as a way to ‘wind down’ after working to ‘shut off.’ 

Last year I thought I fell in love after a drunken one night stand in a foreign country ironically on my way to a silent meditation retreat. I was at a rooftop bar sipping mezcal the night before my retreat when I met the person that I was in relationship with that ended up being one of the most abusive relationships I had ever been in. It was horrible but ended up being very clarifying and life transforming. Why you ask? Because of the hate I had for him and myself after. You see I had to go down deep into the story of my Ego to realize that it was these stories and subconscious tendencies I was allowing to control my life that was limiting me from my pure potential and loving myself the way I truly needed to in order to heal what was holding me back. Alcohol was a part of the problem, yes. But the source of my pain was my identifying with my thoughts instead of the truth that I am pure consciousness and I contain all the love I need. 

How could I have done all this personal growth work prior and find myself in this situation? Well, it’s because I was hiding out single for the past 10 years and relationships have the potential to be like mirrors for us to see parts of ourselves that perhaps we were hiding behind having our hearts closed. I opened mine to have it crushed but you know what? I’m glad because it brought me back to myself. I don’t regret it. I’m a hell of a lot more wise, less naive and certainly more in alignment with my soul than ever. 

If you feel like the victim and you’re stuck, listen to my Let's Not Sugar Coat This, I talk about how chronic candida and the connection personal boundaries but you know, it goes further than that. When we truly love ourselves we know how to discern and rigid boundaries aren’t even a thing. We are bacteria sapiens and our energy affects our microbiota. We must get our heart in alignment with our subconscious. We do this through meditation and dropping the ego.

Alcohol destroys our gut health and keeps us from gorgeous glowing skin, but you want to know what really makes you glow from within? Self Love! We find self love when we stop identifying with our thoughts, drop our stories and practice self awareness, forgiveness, and start really Living Clean. Living Clean is living from the belief you are pure consciousness. When you do, you stop making choices that suppress that Truth. 

Here are a few things Living Clean & Drinking Dirty will do for you too: 

*Knowing yourself in a whole new way and really enjoying your own company. 

*Clarity of purpose and mad confidence

*Better sleep and no more hangxiety—(This used to happen to me after just one glass of wine!)

*Better overall health; hormones, skin, no more fatigue, bloating, etc.

*New habits and ways of being that support the life you envision for yourself as you live from your pure ‘I’.

*A flat tummy, no more bleeding hemorrhoids, and no more chronic candida issues. As you take in good bacteria, hydrochloric acid, and live naturally occurring digestive enzymes found in Shrub-Bucha and iKonic water instead of poison, no more inflammation! 

*Inflammation comes from the mind and it’s lack of connection to the spiritual heart. When you connect with your true Self, you’re more resilient. No more repeating subconscious tendencies and a real opportunity for personal growth revealed. 

*In removing the liquid that removed your ability to say NO to others and say YES to you, you now have self empowerment and make different & better decisions that support what you want, not what you don’t want.

*When you truly come from a place of genuine self love that comes from your devotion to Living Clean, you don’t even have to worry about holding yourself accountable to personal boundaries around discipline and the self control. Sat Chit Ananda-I am pure bliss! Believe & receive! 

*Better workouts, faster recovery time. You’re literally aging backwards!


After all these years the journey has revealed the destination and all has had time to ferment and bring wisdom. For this, I’m grateful. Trust your cracks are revealing your Light as well. You see, the nature of the ego is the same as pure consciousness. The ego just has a shadow but it is still Light! It is our subconscious tendencies that are limiting us from experiencing pure happiness and joy. We get bogged down and our stories and forget who we are. Subconscious tendencies can be dissolved by Living Clean. 

Check out the new release of my dynamic chat with best selling author Dr. Erin McMorrow PhD of ‘Grounded: A Fierce Feminine Guide to Connecting with the Soil and Healing from the Ground Up’ on the Ferm Fatale podcast—WE ARE THE SOIL

Live Clean, Drink Dirty!


XO,

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