To Heal the Mother

New 'We Are the Soil' Podcast Season, Listen to Episode 1!

I told you about the spiritual awakening experience I had in Guatemala on silent retreat at the start of the year. What I did not mention is the huge spider that appeared while I was sick with anemia and Guardia. I was very ill in bed shivering as this massive spider with eyes so big I could see from my bed staring at me. I immediately felt she was the symbol of my Mother. I cried and asked her why she had cursed me. I was basking in the low vibration of ‘Victim’ mentality, something familiar (key word ‘family’) but a state I thought I had overcome. I left with bites all over my body (many that scarred me and still itch to this very day at times). 5 months later it all makes sense. Since then, I have had two spiders appear at very significant times both during conflict and another during pleasure. I can feel her medicine urging me to release the poison that once held me back and kept me from the freedom that was always mine to claim. 

Spider is creator; she is death. On a Freudian level spider embodies woman. She is the creative force, weaving the designs of life and fate.

The mother can relate to your own who birthed you, you as a nurturing force if you’ve birthed a child or not. The Mother can refer to our planet that sustains us that we continue to disrespect. The Mother can refer to the live cultures that breed more babies to produce our ferments—a beautiful representation of the cycles of transformation. The essence of the mother is love and fertility. As I dive deeper into the exploration of my own personal healing around ‘Mother’ while simultaneously making an effort to find ways to heal the Collective Mother (climate change) I return to the symbology of soil—-the feminine that has been raped by patriarchy for so many years. Even blood, the sign of fertility frowned upon and made to be perceived as ‘dirty’ for way too long. I also know from my own journey of healing, I no longer wish to be wrapped in my story. I want out of the web. 

Spider is associated with words and communication. Spider bestows the power to work magic over people and things. By weaving, it gains a certain element of control; once the prey is wrapped up, this control is complete. The most pivotal part of my healing was in the surrender of control. I wrote many letters to those in my life I felt needed ‘confronted’ because I was ‘right.’ Towards the end of the retreat while in full Surrender mode I felt shame melt from my heart and those letters were irrelevant. 

Being released from the web of codependency, lack of boundaries, abuse, insecurities, addictive behaviors, and living a life out of balance means no longer numbing, pretending, nor denying the past yet instead focusing on the Now and receiving the flow of passionate action free of anger, blame, resentment, and fear. The Divine Masculine—Yang energy (action)  does not lead from Ego but by the spirit. The essence of Divine Feminine, Yin energy—vulnerable, honest, fierce, dark, and wild can no longer be hidden in shame, silencing to accommodate others, avoiding conflict out of fear of being judged or not loved, paralyzed by past trauma… This is where healing can get cut short and perpetuate more trauma, attracting the energy you omit. Every time we don’t speak up and express our Truth consciously, we do worse to the Collective than throwing produce scraps in the waste bin instead of composting producing more nitrogen into the atmosphere. Composting is the single most important thing we can do to make an impact on the physical feminine. Self growth work is the most pertinent thing we can do to heal the energetic Collective.

The medicine of spider should be called upon when one feels trapped. Actually the spider’s appearance can symbolize one’s fear. When she arrives, it is time to confront one’s negative core beliefs, phobias, and superstitions. Suppressing them without confronting them means they are sure to surface later. I now see the spider is not my enemy but my teacher. It was not until I transformed my perceptions about my life around me that I could shift the vibration within and see change occur around me. What I was seeking is what was seeking. I returned to my heart. Choosing the higher vibration is key. 

The spider allows one to connect to their deepest wisdom and nurture a sense of connection and integration on all levels. Self care practices and spiritual rituals make SUCH a big difference as does solitude and introspection. Taking time for gratitude, journaling, meditation, exercise, nutrition & cooking, breathing, restful sleep, nature, presence, love and community are essential for wellness. 

The spider awakes creative sensibility. She reminds us that the world is woven around us; we are the center of our own world. Boundaries create freedom. We must stay focused on what we want to feel and pay attention to the daily inner dialogue and take responsibility for it over and over again until we believe our Truth and only except the highest vision for our Life. Saying no means saying yes to something else. 

Mystics and mythology associate spider with three expressions of magic – creation, assertiveness and the connection between past and future. I truly believe healed people heal the planet. 

Here are questions to ponder when spider appears:

  • Are you weaving your dreams into reality?
  • Are you moving toward a central goal or are you scattered and going in multiple directions?
  • Are you becoming too involved and or self-absorbed?
  • Are you focusing on others’ accomplishments and not on your own?
  • Do you need to write or draw and are not following through?
  • Are you developing resentment because of it – for yourself or for them?

The energetic pollution we have perpetuated due to engrained patriarchy and generational codependency is what is preventing us from fighting climate change. We Are The Soil and it is limiting us from rising fully. The feminine is still being objectified, raped, and disrespected. Cultures are being erased as our indigenous have been snuffed out. Sustainability depends on the understanding we are One. Our elderly aging women in society looked down upon. The toxic Masculine & Feminine must be brought into Light. This requires respect, vulnerability, and compassion. We are an interconnected network of ideas, beliefs thoughts, emotions, feelings, actions, and reactions. We attract what we are. We co-create life through our energy field. What energy do you omit? We all create strings that form webs…some bigger than others, some with more power and more intent. TRUTH holds the most power and where the sleeping Divine Feminine exists within each of us. What poisonous lies have you be telling yourself that need unearthed? How can you tend to the soil of your own heart now by receiving love for Self despite your past? How can you stop allowing yourself to be re-victimized keeping yourself to stay cocooned in the old vibration that no longer serves you? What web can you break to stop the cycle of pain and awaken to the nurturing fertile ground beneath your feet & in your heart that yearns for your connection? 

Happy Mother’s Day—-Let the healing begin with you.




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